Hey, ass head...quit spitting on my car! This is now the 6th time in 2 months. Why are you targeting me? What have I done to deserve disgusting drool oozing down my driver's side window? Every time I park in front of the Kort Haus Bar this happens. It's either the same drunk face head (that's right...face head) or a member of the Greenwood loony brigade. I'm actually leaning towards the latter, and here's why. One night, as I drove up 67th, a man with a beard (not unlike mine) and a crazy glare in his eyes, spit directly in front of my vehicle. It wasn't a "Gross, I just swallowed a bug" spit--there was intent behind his saliva missile. What makes a man spit at a vehicle? I really don't know.
Here's what I do know. I'm willing to invest at least $100 to install a camera in my car to catch this mystery spitter. Is this excessive? Am I taking this too far? I think not. I will catch you Spit Man. My car has been across these great United States far too many times--it certainly does not deserve your vile germs splattered across its window. You will pay Spit Man, you will pay...
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Dude, what the hell? I'm trying to remember if you have any offensive or political bumper stickers, but I don't think so...unless "Where the heck is Wall Drug?" can be construed somehow.
Your best bet is to wait for him. And when you hear him clear his throat and get ready to hock one, you just (click, click) cock you piece, step out of the bushes, and squirt him with a water pistol. An eye for an eye, know what I'm saying? You got to take justice into your own hands.
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