skip to main |
skip to sidebar
I've decided that June 20th will be the day my gorgeous, spiraling lady locks will meet their demise. Yes folks, it's time. In September of '06 I vowed to not cut my hair until nipple contact was reached. It looks like my vow will be honored; for in a few months, my nipples will start to see black rain from above. No longer will the comparisons to Jesus Christ (the Superstar) be abound. On a side note, riddle me this--if Jesus would have lived until age 87, what year would he have died? Answers must be given in A.D. form.
This of course brings us to the upcoming "10000 B.C." flick/travesty. I will inevitably be dragged to this movie, kicking and screaming--not unlike a caveman being trounced by a really lame, computer-generated woolly mammoth...or saber-toothed tiger. Take your pick. Either way, it'll be like yawning your way through an unwatchable ice-aged Star Wars prequel--only, this movie will be the prequel to all other horrible, special effects-driven disasters directed by Jerry Bruckheimer. Although, the question must be asked. What would Jerry B. have done with the Star Wars prequels? Or better still, what would Jesus have done?
I need a new challenger. My friend, Ben, is no longer a threat to my RBI Baseball supremacy. I've now won the last 20 of 25 games (or something ridiculous like that). Whether it's lame teams like Minnesota or Houston, I still get the job done. During our last round I pitched 3 1-hit gems and clobbered a total of 15 home runs (maybe even more--it's hard to remember). Ben needs to practice. He needs to learn the art of hitting to the opposite field, stealing a base, and bringing home that all important 8th inning go-ahead run. He needs to go down to RBI 2 and learn the basics. When he's mastered these skills, only then will he be ready for the bigs.
Colman, Dykstr, and Strwby will be awaiting his return.
Hey, ass head...quit spitting on my car! This is now the 6th time in 2 months. Why are you targeting me? What have I done to deserve disgusting drool oozing down my driver's side window? Every time I park in front of the Kort Haus Bar this happens. It's either the same drunk face head (that's right...face head) or a member of the Greenwood loony brigade. I'm actually leaning towards the latter, and here's why. One night, as I drove up 67th, a man with a beard (not unlike mine) and a crazy glare in his eyes, spit directly in front of my vehicle. It wasn't a "Gross, I just swallowed a bug" spit--there was intent behind his saliva missile. What makes a man spit at a vehicle? I really don't know.
Here's what I do know. I'm willing to invest at least $100 to install a camera in my car to catch this mystery spitter. Is this excessive? Am I taking this too far? I think not. I will catch you Spit Man. My car has been across these great United States far too many times--it certainly does not deserve your vile germs splattered across its window. You will pay Spit Man, you will pay...
